April 2012
I don’t even rightly remember what happened last night, but it was not a happy mood that I recall.
I remember Dan saying repeatedly that he thought he was a piece of shit. I remember saying something about a superficial relationship, that he didn’t want to talk about things ever, and that I was unhappy. I don’t remember exactly why I was mad at him, or if he was mad—I just...
March 2012
So, saw The Hunger Games last night.
It was a lot better than I thought it would be. It was cast very well, the graphics were excellent, and I think they did a good job translating a 1st person novel into a screen play.
I understand why they changed the muttations, but I had really hoped they’d be able to keep the rating and have them included. Ah well. I think they could have transitioned...
I’m not exactly sure of what just happened, but I’m evaluating the benefits of being single again.
I don’t want to be hurt by anyone’s stupidity except my own.
We haven’t had sex since December.
He rarely kisses me unless I initiate it.
There’s barely any physical signs of love, which is how I recieve best, unfortunately. I try to attune myself to how he...
HA!
I have a Harry Potter literature class in the fall.
Is that even legal?
I need someone to be an accountability partner for exercise for me.
Any volunteers?
On a related note, I also need money.
Who wants to pay me to make them pretty art?
Sitting here writing while he watches Big Bang Theory across the house.
I don’t want to watch TV, he doesn’t want to go for a walk.
I’m not mad, just disappointed.
I am a good person.
And I have things to offer others.
Today is a new day.
Mmm…gotta love waking up emotionally hung over.
It’s like a prayer, constantly beating with my heart: “I want him back…I want him back…”
Why do I ever expect him to follow through?
The Venetian Mask
heyfunniest:
At first sight, you probably see just 1 face in this Venetian mask. However, there are actually 2 faces - a man and a woman kissing one another. Once you spot them, you will be able to flip between both perceptions of this bistable image.
Bored? Click here and you’ll be entertained.
Once again, I’m lonely…
Alone, not by choice, in a big, quiet, empty house.
And all I can do is feel sorry for myself.
I am a self destructive being.
I don’t know why I never bonded with my cousin Katie before. She’s like a more devious, athletic version of myself.
Little jealous of her hot, Latino lover though…
One year ago yesterday, the world lost my cousin’s light.
I’d like to think it was her inspiring me to create yesterday.
I haven't been around in a while.
Partly due to school, partly due to computer issues…
…and partly because I’m just not as interested in the internet as I used to be. Now that I’m back with my friends, I find myself doing things that mean more. Being more fulfilled, if you’ll pardon a quirky turn of phrase.
Right now, I’ve got some movie soundtracks playing and I’m sitting down to work...
Just purchased a new heat sink for the compy.
Hopefully that’s all I need.
If not, I found a motherboard, processor, and more RAM that I can get for under $200.
This pleases me.
I’m not dead, I promise.
It’s just that I’ve been social lately.
And I discovered Minecraft.
!
I’m not sure if I believe anything anymore.
He’s been so sweet lately—cuddly, and giving me random kisses.
I did something right, apparently. Huzzah for communication :)
Got some $5 headphones at Big Lots to replace the ones I broke.
They’re AWESOME. I can’t hear a damned thing with them in and the bass is so much better. Trebel is a mite off, but whatever. I just need something to listen to around campus.
There are months in my journal where I started off each entry with “Thank you for another morning I can wake up Yours.”
Months. Almost nine.
I know I didn’t wake up each morning with that kind of thankfulness flowing from my sleepy body. Yet I wrote it anyway. Many of the entries were several pages long, some of them simply a list of the things for which I was grateful.
I...
I want my gentle heart back.
I’m in that mood again.
Night time is not my friend.
I think I’m going to go weep over Adam’s journal and question my life choices.
Assignment for which the professor provides almost no detail, indicating nothing other than topic (no instruction on formatting other than ‘check out the website,’ length, sources, citation, etc.) = bad news bears. Because that means I’ll be shitty with him over unclear expectations.
Spring weather (bike riding!!!), finding my favorite foods on sale, and my bed smelling like my...
Even Morgan fell asleep while we were IMing and she hasn’t gotten back to me, after I’d been spilling my heart to her about feeling taken for granted and ignored.
Talk about irony.
Does the whole world want to make me feel shitty today?
Whatever. Stay at the bar.
I’m not feeling social anyway, and you at least had the courtesy to invite me.
I’ll be more than okay if I don’t see you today.
And now you’ve gone to the bar for a beer with your dad.
I don’t mind that you’ve gone to see him—you don’t often get the opportunity—but if you had been here when you said you would be, you could have caught both of us and we ALL could have gone out.
I’m about to punch something.
Nah, it’s cool.
When you said you would be over in a bit, I totally understand two hours of (probably) procrasturbating.
“Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally...”
– — Timothy Leary (via Beware of Unreal Things.)
this this this
(via someboyhood-bravery)
“I don’t get nearly enough credit in life for the things I manage not to say.”
– Meg Rosoff, How I Live Now (via creatingaquietmind)
It was the hardest thing in the world for me to drive home today.
At every turn I had to force myself to hold onto the wheel.
I haven’t been this bad in a while.
I need something to spark within me, or I’m going to drown.
I think I’ve just given up.
Really.
Like…I just don’t care.
Blech.
Pissy.
Moody.
Missing Adam something fierce.
Dreading going to school tomorrow.
Today is not good.
Ohgod...
Boursin cheese in my scrambled eggs was the best decision I’ll make all day.
